What if Bullies Can Be Trusted?3 min read
I find no greater joy than feeling like I am trusted.
It’s why marriage can be so glorious. There is another human being who trusts you enough to spend every day of their life with you.
It’s why it feels really good when a friend offers to loan you their car. They are saying I trust that you will take care of something I paid a lot of money for and need in my day-to-day life.
It’s why I love being a dad. There is a tiny human being who relies on me for his survival, and so he digs his head into my shoulder when he is shy or scared.
He trusts that I can take care of him.
We want to be trusted.
There was a boy in my class who had been bullied for years. He is small and quiet, and in middle and high school, this draws a bullseye on your back. So the boy grew used to this at the beginning of each school year.
It took about 3 days for someone to take aim at him. This boy had spent the last couple weeks feeling miserable every moment of the day. A bully following him around, whispering mean things in his ear, cowering this boy into silence, and making him hate his time in school more and more.
Finally this boy had enough, and said that he wanted to leave our school because of this bully.
I was pissed.
I wanted the bully to leave our school instead. I wanted to scare him into repentance.
Call him out in front of the class.
Make him feel a sliver of the pain he made this other boy feel.
I wanted to call his parents and make the bully confess his sins in front of them.
I wanted to make him write a 5 page paper about why bullying is bad, along with a plan of how he was going to stop.
I wanted to make him watch a 60 Minutes episode about teen suicide in America.
I wanted to get him suspended for 10 days, and make him spend the rest of the semester trying to get caught up.
I wanted to make an example out of him, so every potential bully at our school would know what happens when you intentionally hurt someone who does not deserve it.
I kind of wanted to make him cry, and show him that he’s not as tough as he thinks he is.
I wanted to get revenge for my 12 year-old self.
I wanted to call him a bully.
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Instead I asked him if he had a second to talk outside of the classroom.
I said, “_______, I need your help.
“Okay Mr. Muir?”
“We have a kid in our class, _______, who is not liking it here. He’s not making friends, and not everyone has been that nice to him.”
“I’ve already noticed that you’re a leader, and people follow you and look up to you. I was hoping you could take this boy under your wing for me. Be his friend. Protect him. I know everyone else will do the same if they see you do it. Can I trust you with this?”
I watched him walk back into the room and sit in his seat in a sort of wonder. He looked off into space for a minute, then I saw his gaze move to the small boy on the other side of the room.
The next day I came into my classroom to see both boys sitting together, talking and smiling.
I didn’t get my revenge. But this was better.
Image credit: wokandapix CC