How to Help Students Build Resilience

If you could choose just one trait for your students to have when they leave the education system, what would it be?

I’ve asked this question to thousands of teachers—in workshops, conference sessions, and casual conversations—and the most common answer by far is resilience.

Most teachers don’t just want students who can ace a test or write a solid essay. They want students who can get knocked down and get back up. Who won’t shut down when things get tough. Who can keep moving forward when they hit a wall.

And yet, many students struggle with exactly that. You’ve probably seen it: the blank stare when something doesn’t come easily, the refusal to even try when a task feels too hard, or the “I’m just bad at this” excuse that really means I don’t want to feel like I’m failing.

There’s nothing unnatural about not wanting to fail, so I try to meet this fear-of-failure we see in young people with empathy. My 9-year-old daughter has been learning violin this year, and we experienced an emotional roller coaster as her first recital approached. When I asked her why she was so nervous, her response was: I'm afraid to mess up. Naturally, as her parent and protector, my instinct was to relieve her of that potential pain—which in this case would mean not requiring her to go to the recital.

But you know I didn’t do that. After lots of encouragement and conversations about resilience, she played in her recital, made a couple of mistakes, and kept going. And through it all, she gained confidence she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life.

Why Resilience Matters

Whether it's a fear of failure or an aversion to discomfort, lasting resilience seems to be lacking in many students. This is a real issue. Because the truth is, life gets hard—regularly. Whether it’s in a career, college, or just dealing with everyday responsibilities, resilience isn’t optional. It’s a foundational skill.

The Wellbeing and Resilience Report 2023 highlights that individuals aged 18 to 25 are exhibiting the lowest levels of wellbeing and resilience compared to other age groups. In other words, this struggle doesn’t end when students leave our classrooms—it follows them into adulthood and the workforce.

Helping students build resilience now gives them a better shot at navigating the pressures and uncertainties of real life later. And while it’s not entirely on teachers to develop resiliency in their students, there are a few simple and powerful things we can do to help.

Teach Daily Reflection Habits

Resilient people reflect. They pause, they think, they adjust. That’s not something that comes naturally to every kid (or adult), but it’s something we can teach.

One way to start: close class each day with these three questions:

• Where did I fail today?

• What did I learn from it?

• What can I try next time?

You're not asking for life-altering failures; you're asking students to spot any moment where they weren’t successful on the first attempt, and to reflect on that experience. If students do this consistently, it changes the way they see setbacks. Over time, failure becomes less of a threat and more of a teacher. It becomes a normal, expected, and valuable part of learning.

Design for Productive Struggle

Not everything should be step-by-step, follow-the-rules learning. Some of the best learning happens when the experience is messy. The failed experiment. The confusing group project. The “why isn’t this working?” moments.

That’s called productive struggle, and it’s where persistence and problem-solving live.

These kinds of tasks don’t come with a clean formula or a guaranteed outcome—and that’s the point. They require students to think creatively, try something, fail, regroup, and try again. It’s uncomfortable, especially for students who are used to getting things right on the first try. But it’s the discomfort that builds resilience.

Normalize Struggle in the Classroom Culture

That means talking openly about failure. Celebrating effort as much as outcome. Sharing stories of your own mistakes and what you learned from them. Reframing challenge as something to expect rather than something to avoid.

When students hear things like, “This part is supposed to be hard,” or “Struggling here means your brain is working,” it changes the narrative. Struggle doesn’t mean they’re not smart—it means they’re growing. You can really reinforce this concept by sharing your own failures and what you did to adjust and keep moving forward.

I once led a simulation with my students thinking it was going to be the most engaging activity they’d ever been part of. And it failed miserably. The instructions were complicated, I wasn’t organized enough, and students were confused from the start. It flopped. But instead of pretending it didn’t happen, I debriefed it with them the next day. I shared what went wrong, what I learned, and how I’d change it next time. That moment taught them more about resilience, reflection, and humility than any perfectly executed simulation ever could.

Give Students Chances to Revise and Try Again

Another powerful way to build resilience is by giving students opportunities to revisit and revise their work. In many classrooms, the message students receive—intentionally or not—is that the first draft is the final word. But in real life, meaningful work almost always goes through multiple iterations.

When we normalize revision as part of the learning process, we reinforce the idea that growth takes time. Whether it’s rewriting a paragraph, retesting a hypothesis, or rebuilding a failed prototype, students learn that improvement is possible—and that effort over time actually changes outcomes. This practice doesn’t just build academic skills. It builds the belief that mistakes are a step forward, not a step back.

The Small Things That Build Something Big

At the end of the day, resilience isn’t something you can give to a student. It’s something they have to build. But you can give them the tools. You can give them the space. You can create the kind of learning experiences that invite failure, reflection, and persistence.

And you don’t need to redesign your whole curriculum to do it. Just shift a few moments. A few tasks. A few mindsets. Over time, those small moves lead to big growth. That’s what helps students not just survive, but thrive, when things get hard.