The Reality of School Staff Conflict

Once a few other teachers and I thought it would be fun to take students outside for the last 30 minutes of the school day on a Friday afternoon to play ultimate frisbee. Students had been testing all week, and we thought this would be a fun way to celebrate the end of it.

However, one of the math teachers in our school said that she had students who needed to make up their tests that afternoon, and not only would it be unfair to them to miss out on playtime, but it would also be distracting for them to see their friends outside playing while they took a test.

I, of course, completely understood the issue and canceled ultimate frisbee.

Actually, that's not what happened at all. We didn’t think it was fair how the whole school should be punished because of this math teacher's gripe. We took the students out anyway with the attitude, “She’ll get over it.”

Well, she did not get over it, and this decision we made caused a huge rift in our staff. Some teachers sided with her, while others sided with us. At first, I thought she was being petty. Like “come on, this was a choice you made. sorry you didn't get to have fun.” But I also secretly acknowledged that maybe the ultimate frisbee teachers were being a little petty as well. There were cold shrugs in the staff office, gossip and whispers in the hallways- a rift was forming.. Finally, our principal called a staff meeting to address the issue.

Here I learned that this was much bigger than pettiness. With tears in her eyes, the math teacher explained how disrespected the whole situation made her feel. She explained that this was not the first time as a teacher her requests had been disregarded. She said “I just feel like I’m being labeled a wet blanket, but I had no choice. My students had to make up their tests.” And then she said something that felt like a punch in the gut. She said, “I know I’m not a fun teacher. But I don’t feel like this is fair.”

Suddenly I realized my ego was causing harm (I’m guessing you figured that out sooner in this story). This teacher’s moment of vulnerability and willingness to share her feelings in that moment illuminated that we had messed up. We got excited about an idea, but had blinders on when it came to anyone else's feelings. Especially this teacher. From there, our principal led us in a conversation toward reconciliation. We apologized and talked about how we can handle moments like this better in the future.

So first, I don’t like that story. I hate knowing that my ignorance, and dare I say selfishness, caused a teammate of mine to question her value as a teacher. Instead of compromise or just changing the plans because they didn't work, we instead resorted to a label. an unhelpful one. And when anyone is  slapped with a  label too much, they begin to believe it. and sometimes throw up their hands and begin to act like that label. I'm not saying that's what the math teacher did, but I know that's true in my life. 

However, this moment, this conflict, was a catalyst for our team. Making it through this conflict and emerging on the other side somehow bonded our staff together. We respected each other more. Some of us grew a little more humble. We learned to listen to each other better, how to communicate before assumptions got too far, and really learned a little more about how to work as a team. Staff conflict does not need to be irreparable. I learned from my boneheadedness, and the events that followed that while conflict can be difficult, it can also be healthy.

Here are a few ways I've learned over the years to help make school staff conflict have healthy and positive outcomes:

1. Encourage Open Communication: Create an environment where team members feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns openly. This might start with the principal and school leaders, but teachers can also play a key role in creating this environment. Encourage active listening and respectful communication.

2. Establish Clear Expectations: Set clear expectations for behavior and performance within the team. Define acceptable boundaries and guidelines for handling conflicts constructively.

3. Promote Constructive Feedback: Encourage team members to provide feedback to one another in a constructive and respectful manner. Feedback should focus on behaviors and outcomes, not on personal attributes.

4. Identify Root Causes: When conflict arises, work together to identify the root causes rather than focusing on the symptoms. Just hearing 'the math teacher' share her thoughts in an intentional space in meeting led the rest of us to understanding the underlying issue and finding an effective solution.

5. Find Common Ground: Encourage each other to identify shared goals and interests to find common ground. Emphasize that everyone's ultimate objective is the success of the team and the organization.

6. Seek Mediation if Needed: If conflicts persist, consider bringing in a neutral mediator to facilitate discussions and help find resolutions that are fair and agreeable to all. This is where our principal was a hero in this situation, but it can also just be a fellow staff member.

7. Foster Trust and Respect: Build trust and respect within the team by acknowledging each member's expertise and contributions. A foundation of trust helps in resolving conflicts more effectively.

8. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame: Shift the focus from blaming individuals to finding solutions. Encourage a problem-solving mindset that focuses on moving forward rather than dwelling on past mistakes.

9. Learn Conflict Resolution Skills: Learn the resources on conflict resolution techniques to be equipped with the necessary skills to manage conflicts constructively.

10. Regular Team Check-Ins: Schedule regular team check-ins to discuss any emerging conflicts, provide updates, and openly address concerns. Proactive communication can prevent conflicts from escalating.

11. Acknowledge Diverse Perspectives: Value and appreciate diverse perspectives within the team, understanding that different viewpoints contribute to richer discussions and better decision-making.

12. Document Agreements: Document agreements reached during conflict resolution discussions to ensure clarity and accountability. This helps prevent future misunderstandings.

13. Celebrate Resolutions: Celebrate successful conflict resolutions as a team, reinforcing the importance of collaboration, communication, and working through challenges.